the[perfect]storm

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africa updates.

August 20, 2008 · Leave a Comment

as some of you may know, i was in ethiopia for the past 5ish weeks. during my trip i made a few updates and wanted to share them with the rest of the world. they were sent out in a mass e-mail and are heavily littered with grammatical errors and poor sentence structure, please forgive my lack of care in editing them. i hope that the content will shine through all the horrendous grammar. thank you for taking the time to read.

love.

salam my friends

please forgive my poor phonetics of amheric.

sigh.

it has been nothing more then an intense week here in africa. as i sit in a internet cafe on bolle street about an hours ride in a few mini buses my heart melts. i will try to hold back the tears when i explain what i have seen and what i have felt. however, it is good to be in a country where crying is normal, because that i means i fit right in.

it was a 21 hour flight (that is only air time) to get to ethiopia. we left chicago on tuesday the 8th at 7pm and arrived in ethiopia at 3 am on thursday they 10th. i was so excited to arrive and so stirred that i only slept for 4 hours in that time period, but i have been able to get some rest and i am adjusting to the time quite well. i have come to find out that ethiopians do things quite differently then the rest of the world and actually, the rest of africa. it is only 2000 here. so it is a blast to be able to celebrate the millennium all over again. Y2k!!!. as well, they begin there day at 12am when the sunrises. so not only are they 8 hours ahead of central time, but they also are 6 hours ahead of there own time. i hope you’re confused, because i still can’t seem to figure it out.

thursday was the hardest day for me, but it was also a turning point. we woke up at 9 am (or 3am their time) and were split up into 4 groups with a sheet of names and places to go visit. this was difficult. we hopped on their type of public transportation, the mini bus. let me explain the mini bus situation… they’re these nice little toyota vans with 9 seats. it is on rare occasion that there will be that few passengers. usually during the night there will be anywhere from 12-17 and during the day there will be at least 12. as they drive down the road there is one person standing inside the the sliding door with his head out the window screaming the destination. for example, we are staying at makanesa yesus bible seminary and they will just scream out makanesa, makensa, makensa over and over again. this has been quite helpful when trying to navigate the sprawling city of addis. on with the story, as we walked the streets of addis abba, and in particular the gabriel district, i was overwhelmed. i had in my head what type of poverty there would be when i arrived and i was right. i was so unfortunately right, but it takes your heart and rips it a little. the smell of defecation in the streets, the hungry eyes and the amount of pollution in there turned my heart cold very fast. i was angry. i felt useless. i felt as though it was a waste. i wrote in my journal that the disparity in ethiopia was more contagious and deadly then any disease. it was so easy to get wrapped up in the things around me. to be consumed with hopelessness.

i love paul. i love how honest and humble he is. the very next day we did a study on one of my favorite chapters, romans 12. i had read it over and over again. i had it memorized and i had told myself that i would be living it out. however, when i read it on friday it spoke loud to me. “rejoice in hope”.

it was common for me to have conversations with my friends and those around me about how i had hope for change in africa. that i had faith that God would provide miracles and wonders for the people of africa, but when you are faced with the decision of hope, where it is more then a word or a thought, when it is an action that you must take, it was draining. i turned to hopelessness. i turned to an angry and cold person. i kept my eyes above the children’s empty hands and i walked with my broad american shoulders.

i am beginning to realize that hope is enough. that we will rejoice in hope, like paul said. that if you have hope then there is reason to rejoice. because with hope, God can work.

i have met my Ethiopian roommate, Naod [pronounced now-d. he was raised orthodox christian and converted to evangelical christianity when he was 16. the ethiopians hospitality has been such a blessing to me and i can tell that God is already doing work in me through them. i have so much to learn from their faith and beliefs, but it has already been such a wonderful experience to meet all the ethiopian students and chat with them.

yesterday was by far the best day yet. i am working with an organization, win souls, that works with street "people" [for lack of a better word], former child prostitutes, young criminals and hiv/aids awareness schools and programs. as we walked in the these kindergartens the children ran and shouted FURENGEES, FURENGEES, which basically means look at all the white people. they jumped on top of me and ran there fingers through my hair. i don’t know if they understood why i started to cry, but my eyes filled with tears as they said HELLO HELLO and kissed my hands and cheeks and wouldn’t let go. my heart just broke. as i knelt down and looked them in the eye they, traced my face with their fingers and smiled. they held on as i got up and as though i were a coat rack, i had 8 ethiopian children around my neck. when the other kids saw what i was doing they ran over and jumped up and down with they’re arms opened up wide. if this continues to happen i will come back supremely buff.

after the warm greeting [that is an understatement] we were directed back towards an office. we met with a woman who told more of the story. the school was for children in kindergarten – 9th grade. they talked about one of the main issues of poverty and hunger being attributes of overpopulation. the parents want to have more children because it is a sense of social security and labor. instead of sending their children to school for an education they send them to the street to shine shoes and sell gum. this school first educates the parents about how school gives the children an opportunity to make even better money with an education. not only do they educatute them about the importance of school, but they also inform them on preventative ways to stop the vicious circle of HIV/AIDS. 7 out of 100 addis abba citizens are HIV positive.

it is truly amazing to be able to serve this country. i know that it has been very draining and God will continue to break me down in the most miraculous way, but i am also in need of prayers of blessing. prayer that i will continue to let God speak to me and let Him really change me. pray for hope. the real hope. the hope that we can rejoice in. pray for the hope of ethiopians, because they are losing it. God is working here and it is a privilege to be working wit Him.

siled yesus, eznegen
[because of jesus, i am here]

new mini bus record.

22. that is right. 22 full sized human beings in a vehicle designed for 12. it was on our way to church so i knew that nothing terrible could happen.

speaking of which, church this sunday was very good. we went to the international evangelical church here in addis. worship may have been from the late 80’s but the heart was there and it was a nice change of pace to hear english with out it being translated.

i am getting ahead of myself. after i wrote my last email i walked away not knowing what i had actually put down. i have gotten so wrapped up in the moments that are occurring and then i try to put them out in front of me as quickly as possible. however, from the great responses i received from everyone it was encouragement that it wasn’t too terribly put together. i have limited time on the internet so i can’t really reply, but i just wanted to let you know that your thoughts and prayers give me chills and comfort half way across the world. let me just extend an apology for any poor grammar that took place or any misconstrued sentences that didn’t make sense, for the last email and the ones to come.

saturday the rain came. it is interesting, because on friday night i was talking with Jake, the intervaristy leader for the ethiopian students, and he was telling me of how all of east africa had been experiencing a bit of drought in comparison to the previous years. as i went to pray friday night, i was asking God to bring rain and to provide water to those in need. He brought the rain. actually, he brought enough to have the seminary cafeteria and a few of the dormitories flood. i thought leaving iowa, i would leave behind the flooding and evacuation. i was wrong. the water didn’t get above 3 feet and there was no real damage done. however, because of the river water containing various diseases we were asked to re-locate down the street to another church campus. all is well now, as we have made it back to the seminary and we are all settled in. it was a bit of a scare and most of the ethiopian’s were more surprised by the event then us.

sunday afternoon i had the opportunity to attend a traditional ethiopian dinner and coffee ceremony at my room mate’s house. naod has been a real blessing to me. he is a very soft spoken and gentle spirit. meeting his parents and taking part in the 3 stages of the coffee ceremony was such an experience. it was one of the highlights thus far.

the past few nights i have had trouble sleeping and have been running a low grade fever. i’ve taken some medicine and have been feeling better, but it if you have the chance just say a few prayer’s for that. i was not feeling the best, so yesterday i stayed back at the seminary during our work period’s.

last week ended on a high note. i played peter pan in our reenactment of the fairy tale. we were asked to tell a story to the children in the AIDS/HIV orphanage/school and that was the choice.i decided to play the role of peter pan and i swooped through the aisles of the school room and sat at the desk of the children. it gives such a sense of pride and hope when looking into their big eyes and smiling back at them. as we left the children ran up to me, arms wide open, screaming, “PETER PAN, PETER PAN”. i was able to give most of the children a hug goodbye and snapped a few pictures before heading off to another meeting.

the next meeting was with some former street men and women. i work a lot with the homeless of des moines, but it is a totally different scenario here. one story in particular brought all of us to tears as we rejoiced in the redemption of Christ love.

this women was only 35 years old, but the lines and struggle told a different story. she had been on the street for roughly 8 or 9 years. her oldest daughter was 7 years and 10 months and her youngest, a boy, was 3 years and 4 months. at the age of 17 she was forced in to a marriage with what turned out to be an abusive husband. after a few years of living in fear and pain she fled her town to addis. finding out later that she was pregnant. just a few months later she gave birth to her daughter and found shelter when possible. as her daughter grew up she felt as though she needed to reconcile with her family, so she went back to her home in a village an hour away from addis. her mother and father forced her back into the arms of the waiting husband. after another year of abuse she fled again and again, finding out that she was to give birth to another child. and again, on the streets. she spent her time selling corn and beans on the streets; because of her commitment her boss let her live in the shed of his home, but that was her only payment. as her daughter grew, she wanted to give her an education. she told us, “i looked down at my gold ring that my mother had given me, i knew i only had one option.” she pawned the ring for a notebook, uniform and a few pencils.

as the tear dripped from her eye she told of how she ended up with Win Souls for God and how making that trade was the greatest decision of her life. she has hope and she has a future.

hearing stories like these and seeing the smiles of the children have lifted my spirit and it continues to broaden my depth of love. God is continually filling me up, but it gives me so much joy to give it away.

thank you all again for your prayers and commitment to seeing God’s kingdom come and His will done to all the corners of the earth.

love,

phillip.

p.s. i have begun to grow a nice beard and i am getting good at finding shortcuts around this part of town.

again, a sincere apology for fragments, run ons and any other grammatical errors.

i am actually in africa. OMG.

time seems to slip by, but in the same moment it feels as though it is creeping. i understand this statement seems most odd, but i can’t expound much more on that.

this past week and half has been nothing less then an intense reminder that i am actually in Africa. sometimes being in this city of 5-9 million people [they are unsure of the exact population] its easy to forget that i am oceans and islands away from home. i’ve seem to get into a routine and i am able to walk through the day with out being reminded, for the most part, that i am in a completely foreign country. i get used the fact that i can walk down the street, gently place a few coins or a bill into a beggers hand and say, “silled yesus” [because of Jesus] and go on my way. or that i can order a 1.75 bir [roughly 17 cents] macchiato. it gets to be a natural process, except for this week.

last friday the team went to mount entoto. we took a sluggish mini bus half way up, where we were greeted by a hoard of children outside of a large church. as we stepped out of the bus the children rushed towards are awaiting arms and began to pummel us in the most precious way. i’ve gotten used to my white skin being a magnet and my even larger stature being a stronger one. we hiked the 2 miles or so to the top with at least 1, sometimes 3, children in tow. they didn’t ask for money and they didn’t beg for food, the only thing they wanted was some furengee attention. however, they have no idea what it meant to be able to escort them up the mountain. we passed by a football pitch with wooden post and a dirt field. 22 players on the field, all skilled, weren’t going to stop for the caravan that we had acquired up the hill. just another reminder of me being in africa.

this most recent friday we took a trip to awash national park. the real african bush. the large bus rattled and hummed its way over dirt roads and large rocks. my legs didn’t fit in the seat and i ended up laying in the aisle or standing for most of the 4 hour voyage. we stopped at awash lake to walk around a bit on the, for lack of a better scientific term, volcanic rocks. as i took my spot on top of one of the mounds i looked out on the the endless amount of blue sky and quiet lake. untouched. organic. purest state. fresh air. i am actually in africa. we hopped back on the bus for another 20 minutes and headed into awash park. the trail (calling it a trail is a stretch), lead us back to a cliff and on our way there i was able to catch a few glimpses of a couple monkeys and few antelope. the lions tend to stay hidden during the day, however they had rescued one from being held captive and were holding it until a spot in the zoo opened up. as we approached the cliff the sun got bright and the wind started to swirl around us. we looked down a thousand feet to a river that split ethiopia into three parts. the tall trees and the open air slapped me in the face, “hey, you’re in africa.”

last night was another great ethiopian escapade. i was invited at dinner to “an ethiopian’s ladies night”. i thought there had to be some confusion, but it was clearly written, “to: philip” [i wasn't going to make a huge deal out of my name being misspelled, seeing as the invitation was for a ladies night]. i soon found out that i was not the only male invited to the evening’s event and was somehow relieved by that news. as the time came to go upstairs into the common area for the “ladies night”, we were greeted by candle light and grass carefully placed all over the floor. as we walked up the stairs, all the americans, the salutations included hellos from all the ethiopian lady students. dressed in authentic ethiopian garb, they gave us hugs and kisses on the cheek. i was slightly embarrassed, again from this whole concept of being a ladies night, but took my spot in the circle of chairs. the seats began to fill in and the announcement was made, “welcome to ethiopian ladies night[ again, i know that there are culture differences, but i still felt odd], the ethiopian ladies wanted a chance to serve everyone and bless them with some authentic culture”. i was relieved. visions of braiding hair, truth or dare and a chick flick escaped me…finally. as i looked around my eyes were fixed upon the glowing coals. i knew what was next. coffee. not just coffee, but a coffee ceremony. it starts with raw beans and is in three stages. this is one of the greatest things i have learned here and am so very excited to bring back to the states. please, if anyone wants to attend an ethiopian coffee ceremony, i would love to entertain. the night continued with songs and dances. ethiopian ladies night turned out to be a friendly reminder that i was in africa.

this past wednesday night we were able to hit the streets of addis. this past Wednesday night blew me away. it broke me up. we walked through some of the worst parts of ethiopia. we sat to men that haven’t slept for days or weeks because of their addiction to chut [an ethiopian stimulant, natural, but with some of the same effects of meth]. hollowed cheeks and red eyes. we walked past rows of and rows of prostitutes, some as young as 10. they’re rates as low as 1 birr [10 birr = 1 dollar]. i don’t write this to drown spirits, but i write this because they need prayer, we need prayer, the people working with them on a daily basis need prayer. i have hope. i have seen the real life resurrection of these people. i sit across from them at my work site and i cry. i hear stories of life after death. i hear stories of hunger and hopelessness, but i hear that they know that God really loves them. that they are people and they do have a reason to live. i am in africa. i am working with an HIV/AIDS orphanage and hug them and play marbles with them [this has given me great insight into how low my self esteem can crash from a simple marbles match with an 8 year old. i am horrendous at the game]. i believe that Jesus sheds tears over their lives and i believe that God is giving me His heart and it is breaking for them. But, when broken it is filled with hope. their smiles and laughter bring joy to my life. my long arms reaching to the ceilings , with my hands clutched around their waste, both scares them and delights them.

i will leave you with a story that brought laughter and confusion to me.

we walked into AHOPE [the AIDS/HIV orphanage] and 20 toddlers began to sing Christmas carols. belting them out in their loudest and most broken english. they didn’t have to reach so far to try and impress me.

i return august 15th. i am so blessed and honored to be here. God is good, always.

thank you for all your support.

your prayers give me strength and energy.

your words encourage me.

phillip.

as i decompress and digest everything that has happened in this past month, i will write more.
thanks for taking the time to read these words.

Categories: Uncategorized

want.

June 14, 2008 · 3 Comments

Categories: Uncategorized

pour down.

June 6, 2008 · 1 Comment

it started out with a drive to rent and return a few films. as i walked down the drive my rain coat was gathering water. the tornado warning had past, but the rain was just beginning. i made my way on urbandale and as i drove the water was being shot from my tires six feet in the air. the windshield wipers were working hard as i came around the bend and in front of me was a trash can it was most likely strewn there in the middle of the street from a heavy gust of wind earlier. i came to stop and stepped out of the car. ankle deep in water i carried the can on to the side of the street and put down. the rental store was well lit and few patrons occupied the space. it took me only a few minutes to find some things and off i went, back to the down pour. in that short time the rain had picked up dramatically. the wipers were facing an unfair fight as the rain continued to hammer down.

i just drove. quiet. soft. slow. content.

i made it home and decided i wasn’t going to waste a night like this. i stepped back outside and walked. i just walked. my galoshes were bare feet. a rain coat and shorts. i walked the streets. the night would become noon day for a fraction of a second as the lighting filled the skies. shortly after the thunder would rattle my chest and i would be pleased with that.

the corner of 41st pl. and urbandale had a foot and half of water. i waded for a while and my thoughts were interupted. i know it hasn’t been that long since katrina, but the images captured me. and i was held captive with the thought of me enjoying this occasion and the thought of those in new orleans dreading the occasion.

the grass was a sponge. i walked down the median [i walked on the grass that was covering those old train tracks] and i just strolled. i would stop and look up. i would see every inch of the sky being taken over by the rain. i saw grey. i saw blues.

nights like these are life giving. i don’t have any giant break through. i don’t have a new thought or idea. but i have breath. i have a sense of cleansing . i have sweat pants and sweat shirt. i have candles and tea. i have something.

i ended up in the front lawn. i collapsed. i said thank you. i said sorry. i said i was mad. i said i was tired. i said i was done. i said i wanted to be gone. but i sighed. it was a sight that reached from the bottom of my stomach until it reached the top of my lungs and couldn’t be contained. i laid on my back and tried to open my eyes. i tried to see every drop fall from the heavens.

it came down tonight. it reached deeper then the soil. it did more then soak the earth.

i’ve tasted.

foy vance – i was made

i came round to the truths I found
i threw down all the chains that bound me
i was made for loving you

well I skulked around a drunken swine
took your heart and gave you mine
you’re the song that I sing to

i left you hanging all alone
threw my stench upon your throne
after all that you’d been through

Categories: Uncategorized

scabs and skin tags.

May 13, 2008 · 2 Comments

as a harder man it is a devastating, but inevitable, trait to have. skin tags. just tiny little, baby bits of skin around the neck area. by no means does this have anything to do with real subject matter of this blog, but i really wanted something to rhyme with scabs.

califronia is a wonderful state. i have yet to meet any ladies that are worth the time and energy to elope with, but i still have a couple of days left. this weekend was mostly spent doing graduation type things. it was a great time and some fantastic company was enjoyed.

oh right, this whole scabs thing… friday rolled around and we were in san diego, so i decided to head out on the long board. everything was going well and i had actually conquered a decent size hill. i thought it would be a good idea to really try and work on the skillz – bad newz. this hill was a bit steep and as i turned onto a side street i hit a decent sized crack. i was thrown forward and the board just stopped. as i was flying through the air i felt a sheet of embarrassment placed over my whole body. as i went into the descent i could tell this was going to end poorly. as i hit the pavement my body bounced three feet off the ground [approximately] and flew forward another four. when the bones and skin came to rest i rose to find myself being hovered over by a nice little asian mom. she was worried about me and, because i was still being suffocated by the sheet of embarrassment, i told her i would be fine and scampered up the hill to the home.

as of right now i only have a few scabs, but the are pretty gnarly. if anyone wants to see them when i return, just let me know.

tomorrow night i will be going to see missy higgins, mason jennings and brett dennen. i am excited about that
.

p

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thank you, michael w. smith

May 6, 2008 · 3 Comments

Go west young man
Go west young man
When the evil go east
Go west young man
Go west young man
Find a heart that’s golden

i’ve taken his advice and i am headed west, to find a heart that’s golden.
the time will be upon us in 14 hours.

who is us? only three of the greatest human beings to assemble for a 12 day road trip to california and back. along the way the musketeers[three of them] will take stops at various sights. i, phillip harder, will be wearing a nasty [this means amazing] pair of father shorts [these are shorter then your regular pair of shorts]. there will be photos taken and lives risked. mistakes will be made and memories will be created.

i’ve developed a few rules to adhere to while we embark on this journey.
1. i will only wear pants when i am legally obligated.
2. no showers, the only washing will come from the earth/ocean.
3. whatever happens, happens.
4. make zac soetmelk as uncomfortable as possible.

i plan on returning, but sometimes fate is out of my hands. however, if a fly california girl falls in love with my mustache/body/mind/hair/watch/love for jesus then duty will call.

updates will occur whenever they occur[see rule 3].

take heed

governor phillip.

Categories: Uncategorized

pride.

April 16, 2008 · 3 Comments

so i’ve been away for a while. this semester has been busy, but wonderful.

i am preparing for ethiopia and ready for what is next.

now that i am done with the casual introduction i would like to procede with a rather hostile writing.

the political whirlwind has come into full force and i feel it on a regular basis. whether it is about age, race or sex – the candidates are being spoken about. there was a quote from obama’s wife about how she is having pride in our nation for this first time in a while. according to some of what the reporters are saying is that this was a mistake and according to me, i am still not very proud.

i am not proud of the money we continually place in the hands of military forces. i am not proud of the neglect the government had, and continually, for new orleans. i am not proud of the starvation, thirst and AIDs that we seemingly disregard. i am not proud of endless war.

but i am proud to say that i am weak, insufficent, sinful, dirty, tired, weak, mindless, dishonest, lustful, jealous and etc. and i am proud to say that those things do not enbody me, but there is something bigger that fills me. i will not place my pride in colors, anthems or a flag.

i am placing pride in something larger then a country.

Categories: Uncategorized

it’s so cold – you can feel it.

January 19, 2008 · 3 Comments

3 degrees? i wasn’t aware that a temperature like that existed in these parts.

 walk outside.  stand for a moment or two, and if you can take it – three.

 you can feel this. in your bones. it strikes you. it demands your attention. you understand that no matter how many pairs of longunderwear you put on or how thick your socks are, you can feel this weather.

it’s bittersweet. for the most part i wish i could just wear my flips, jeans and a t-shirt. but on the other hand i thoroughly enjoy the fact that i am not alone. that i know for a fact things are surrounding me. it may not be another soul, but when the weather strikes you like it does on a night like tonight, you are not alone.

thanks for that.

phillip.

Categories: Uncategorized

just some time and thoughts. those are available.

December 11, 2007 · Leave a Comment

hello to all of my friends. groupies. wordpress stalkers. famlies. entrepreneurs. and the like.

old man winter decided to say hello to the great state of iowa and thus removing me from my last class of the semester.
i am always a bit confused with this analogy and unsure of why ice storms and massive amounts of snow would equate to an oldman. i like old men. they seem fragile[not agile], thoughtful and kind[for the most part], none of those descriptives fit todays weather.

so whomever it is that is defecating on the name of an old man i beg and plead of you to stop. maybe just call it nasty weather. maybe you could call it the curse of the midwest[is the home of the young and the restless.]

other winter things.
i like how the snow route signs have this silhouette of a compact car getting towed away by a truck, but then admist this horrid affair is a light blue, perfect snowflake hovering with angelic like features. it is telling me this : if you park here when the curse of the midwest strikes you bet your bottom dollar that your tiny asian made vehicle will get towed away, but the good news is your heart will encounter a whirlwind of enternal bliss – the snowflake bliss.

stepping outside is a mystery. i look up at the rooftops that surround me and i see no seperation between sky and the tops of buildings above. the sky is without definition today. the snow and cold have created an endless white above. that is neat.

i will have more later.

but now i am going to publish.

and be back tomorrow.

because i am done with my scholastice endeavours. for this semester.

Categories: Uncategorized

grating my thumb.

November 29, 2007 · 3 Comments

tonight i was grating cheese for my dinner and i slipped and took a gnarly chunk out of my left thumb.

i began to think…

i am glad when i am depressed i don’t feel like cutting myself, i would rather get comfortable in a hooder[or 2] and drink something warm, mostly coffee. so that is what i am doing. just sitting in my favourite shop, mars and sitting on the leather couch listening to mostly folk and just liking the biting cold outside.

i am tired these days. there isn’t much motivation left in this body. school is almost done and i don’t feel the pressure and anxiety i should.

i guess it is just due to the fact that i want to be done.

and it doesn’t help that i have ethopia on my mind.

i am spending 6 weeks there this summer.

man, i am excited.

i am excited that this oppurtunity has been placed in my life. i just want to help and i am tired of talking about it and not doing.

to get my hands dirty, to be stretched, to be poked and uncomfortable. i am ready to weap at what i see and i am ready for god to break me down. break me down in the best possible way. i need that. i am way to comfortable in my hoodies and the warmth of my laptop[on my lap]. i am tired of not giving enough and getting way too much.

happy winter.

i will be back with more constructive thouhts later.

phillip

Categories: Uncategorized

a revolution?

September 26, 2007 · Leave a Comment

this weekend i had the pleasure of taking a trip to kansas city. it wasn’t what i expected. i went down for a conference. anytime i take a trip like this i expect that jesus is going to do something big. because i payed money and took the time, that maybe he will reward me and give me something that will get me through until the next big thing.

this wasn’t so.

luckily for me derek webb showed up. what an honest human being. he has heart and desire and something about him evokes change. i had an opportunity to ask him a question and he had some great responses. my favourite was something along the lines of this…

“for half my life i have been rebel. i rebelled against all things. there was no reason for this, but in the last half of my life i have come to rebel against the things that jesus wants me to rebel against.”

 with him saying that and then listening to a wonderful artist, brett dennen, i have come to find some things.

here is just a sample of some of brett’s words.

in all the burdens of centuries accrue
that get passed along to every generation’s youth
and all the allegories told in lieu of truth
i watched them grow wild and spread like the flu

i saw the rise of an untamed industry
i watched machines paint a paper economy
i saw my own self stand right in front of me
and i didn’t do a thing

i saw poisons pushed in the street
and prescription pills mingling in the mezzanine
with a whole host of wealth of doctors and pharmaceutical companies
still poor people were dying from disease

and i asked when… is a revolution

 in the past few months and maybe year, i have had this desire for the injustices in this world. the idea of social justice, but i have decided against this – i am tired of calling it a social or political agenda, i want to call it a kingdom agenda.

i want to get sick to my stomach when i hear about innocent women and children dying in africa. i want to get goosebumps and be appalled by the number of homeless families in the us and world. i want to be apart of this.

there is a lot in my mind lately. and when this happens i trouble finding words to put down. so this is a start and maybe more will come, but for now i am tired and worn out.

i wish i could find peace in myself, but i know that i have to give a lot away before i can truly find anything in return. i have got to start preparing my heart and mind for what is to come. even if it is difficult i have got to get a grasp on what the lord has planned for me.

i wish it was as easy as just writing about it.

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